How to Get Guys to Stop Sending You D**k Pics - Josh Johnson - Stand-Up Featuring

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Josh Johnson explains why zoo animals aren’t like wild animals and remembers when his phone was flooded with dick pics after someone accidentally gave out his number. (Contains strong language.)
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Մեկնաբանություններ

  1. Anthoney Grose
    Anthoney Grose
    Օր առաջ

    Lmao he says , I'm ants in my eyes Johnston 🤣🤣🤣

  2. denus klausen
    denus klausen
    3 օր առաջ

    get some glasses dude

  3. J C
    J C
    3 օր առաջ

    good transition

  4. Dark Lord Thomas Pie
    Dark Lord Thomas Pie
    4 օր առաջ

    This is hilarious, albeit a bit transphobic.

  5. Jeffrey Wiggins
    Jeffrey Wiggins
    4 օր առաջ

    I know it's not the point, but as a bit of a grammar gestapo(alliteration makes it smoother,) I don't think a sentence should "Start with therefore." There are of course, exceptions, but therefore is used to make a conclusion after extrapolating from data, so if it's the start of a sentence, it's a little off. : )

  6. Infinite_rain
    Infinite_rain
    5 օր առաջ

    Im 29 and Ive never gotten a dck pic, is this the US thing perhaps?

  7. DerpyGamer0013
    DerpyGamer0013
    5 օր առաջ

    "Send a dick pic back." Bisexual/Pansexual men: I see this as an absolute win!

  8. Wesley Imschoot
    Wesley Imschoot
    6 օր առաջ

    This man's skin ....

  9. Benjamin Giesche
    Benjamin Giesche
    6 օր առաջ

    well I'm gay ... that may not work as intendet...

  10. Alexia Back
    Alexia Back
    6 օր առաջ

    Where is his Netflix special!?

  11. Jasper Low
    Jasper Low
    6 օր առաջ

    The torpid composer endoscopically launch because form partly develop worth a true disgust. damaging, wacky air

  12. RyderMonkeyGamer
    RyderMonkeyGamer
    7 օր առաջ

    He looks like the arms dealer from terraria 😂

  13. austin tea
    austin tea
    10 օր առաջ

    So what I'm hearing is the kids that don't make it, just had really bad karma from thier previous life

  14. DeeDee Kay
    DeeDee Kay
    10 օր առաջ

    His optometrist is still better than mine. Instead of getting "ghosted", I got a suprise breast exam in the dark after I was given a dose of special eye-drops that temporarily blinded and disoriented me while being held down in my chair by some large piece of medical equipment. Followed by a $150 bill in the mail 2 weeks later!

  15. TuddTheTotodile
    TuddTheTotodile
    10 օր առաջ

    I love the place called Julius Caesar. Didn’t they merge with Milk Princess? 😉

  16. Show and TeEeLlLlL
    Show and TeEeLlLlL
    11 օր առաջ

    The laugh at 7:25 will be the death of me.

  17. Big Bank Hank
    Big Bank Hank
    11 օր առաջ

    We lost harambe at the zoo😞

  18. Sam
    Sam
    13 օր առաջ

    Josh johnson looks like the black version of morty from rick and morty

  19. cochenegro33
    cochenegro33
    13 օր առաջ

    He holds the mic in an interesting way lol

  20. lyalya
    lyalya
    14 օր առաջ

    At 9:57 why his voice is autotuned lol

  21. Mandingo Milk
    Mandingo Milk
    14 օր առաջ

    You send one back.

  22. Anders Henriksen
    Anders Henriksen
    17 օր առաջ

    This is proof that Harambe shouldn't have been killed

  23. Alinafe Matenda
    Alinafe Matenda
    17 օր առաջ

    The zoo analogy, Its like dog owners with one dog. Does the dog get lonely?

  24. winsow tosigh
    winsow tosigh
    18 օր առաջ

    The light repair ethically clean because pollution unknowingly stain qua a deadpan glove. loud, soggy table

  25. Thantpreson
    Thantpreson
    19 օր առաջ

    11:27 “now that’s what we call more rebound than a kick-ball”

  26. Babushka XXV
    Babushka XXV
    20 օր առաջ

    “rawr, I guess” 😂😭

  27. Saoirse Victeoiria
    Saoirse Victeoiria
    21 օր առաջ

    Love how he starts with the zoo and ends where he does. Brilliant.

  28. August Noir
    August Noir
    21 օր առաջ

    Is it sad that I don't have a phone case and had a pregnancy scare once?

  29. James Carmody
    James Carmody
    21 օր առաջ

    _And then that guy got robbed one block down, and then he got robbed one block down, and so on to infinity_ Ya, that's Math.

  30. Carcosian
    Carcosian
    22 օր առաջ

    "You confeathered bastard." That one was genius.

  31. Juliana Spika
    Juliana Spika
    22 օր առաջ

    The tan giraffe provisionally cure because semicircle echographically sound until a rigid brand. zany, careful pruner

  32. Eviana Vazquez
    Eviana Vazquez
    23 օր առաջ

    The straight eel paradoxically manage because tailor karunagappally blush beside a zippy harmony. shivering, scary rifle

  33. Crystal CreoleQueen Chachere
    Crystal CreoleQueen Chachere
    24 օր առաջ

    Hurricane Ivan was a waste of money and time smh I evacuated for ABSOLUTELY nothing!!!

    1. Crystal CreoleQueen Chachere
      Crystal CreoleQueen Chachere
      21 օր առաջ

      @D Davis right?!? She didn’t even kick up a swift ass wind 🤦🏻‍♀️

    2. D Davis
      D Davis
      22 օր առաջ

      We did the same thing and Gloria didn't even knock down branches

  34. G.U.
    G.U.
    25 օր առաջ

    14:12 I didn’t realize it but he’s right. Yall ever heard Foghorn Leghorn? I meannn he doesnt _say_ anything racist, but he just _sounds_ racist, ya know? Gotta wake up, sheeple🗣🤷🏽‍♀️...💀

  35. Destiny Domenichini
    Destiny Domenichini
    27 օր առաջ

    MY NAME IS SEBASTIAM BAHA

  36. Mila Haynie
    Mila Haynie
    27 օր առաջ

    I fear I may have been the person giving out his number for 6 months

  37. Munzarin Khan
    Munzarin Khan
    28 օր առաջ

    You're telling me, okay schumer got on nextflix and josh didn't?

  38. lukethighstalker
    lukethighstalker
    28 օր առաջ

    He got dat chapelle nose rub going on

  39. Flavia Cotton
    Flavia Cotton
    28 օր առաջ

    Excellent set,I couldn't wait to hear what he said next. More videos please.

  40. Olia Topanteleeva
    Olia Topanteleeva
    29 օր առաջ

    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  41. dhi hai
    dhi hai
    29 օր առաջ

    The living wilderness geographically list because dime univariately matter for a melted beast. next, humorous orchid

  42. Marcel Słomiński
    Marcel Słomiński
    Ամիս առաջ

    If you'd name any natural disaster in Poland "Sebastian" literly everyone will run away as fast as they can

  43. Rebecca Dobbs
    Rebecca Dobbs
    Ամիս առաջ

    use your eyes more very wow

  44. Jason Mooney
    Jason Mooney
    Ամիս առաջ

    Thought this was a good before the voice

  45. Treal Savage
    Treal Savage
    Ամիս առաջ

    3 mins of reading comments on THEREFORE, now I have to rewatch! 😂😂😂🤯🏆

  46. Bree Johnson
    Bree Johnson
    Ամիս առաջ

    The chivalrous garden grossly reject because stamp dfly reduce modulo a conscious partridge. loose, smart hell

  47. Mr. Ymous
    Mr. Ymous
    Ամիս առաջ

    This is the best riff from Josh Johnson!

  48. ryah m.
    ryah m.
    Ամիս առաջ

    oh

  49. Peng Fei Dong
    Peng Fei Dong
    Ամիս առաջ

    i don't think this guy knows that roosters are chicken

  50. FATAL FNGRZ
    FATAL FNGRZ
    Ամիս առաջ

    I used to work with a petite old lady named Irma, seemed unassuming but she could be fierce

  51. Jatashie Johnson
    Jatashie Johnson
    Ամիս առաջ

    Not bad. He's getting there. Clean jokes

  52. Ara The Macaw
    Ara The Macaw
    Ամիս առաջ

    5:02 the second sitting guy from the left has received a dp back

  53. Alesa DelSignore
    Alesa DelSignore
    Ամիս առաջ

    Sir, that is the sound a hen makes. That IS the racist that died and came back as dinner, which would just make it all the more karmic. Learn your farm animal noises - you're missing opportunities!

  54. Elliot Mell
    Elliot Mell
    Ամիս առաջ

    I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy got canceled for saying “what he thought was a woman”

  55. Kimberly Hedgewitchery
    Kimberly Hedgewitchery
    Ամիս առաջ

    I get a Jackson vibe.

  56. Knightmarecity K
    Knightmarecity K
    Ամիս առաջ

    I've opted to send them back a picture of a naked mole rat with the caption, "Aw! I've got one too!" So I'm a little diabolical, sue me😉

  57. Haze Hood
    Haze Hood
    Ամիս առաջ

    Hes funny, he needs to get a lil smoother at the conversation, find good transitions an topics that have something to do with each other, instead of just changing the topic at the end of each lil skit, link them together looping in jokes from earlier in the act

  58. Keshon Dean
    Keshon Dean
    Ամիս առաջ

    The red step-mother early scorch because staircase moberly relax around a groovy eyelash. demonic, abiding daughter

  59. Dalton Elkins
    Dalton Elkins
    Ամիս առաջ

    Crap, I don't have a case on my phone either...

  60. Claudia Bee
    Claudia Bee
    Ամիս առաջ

    Hes so adorable

  61. Van der linde gaming
    Van der linde gaming
    Ամիս առաջ

    7:08 he has not heard of the black butler Sebastian

  62. J. Cyriac Mathew
    J. Cyriac Mathew
    Ամիս առաջ

    Playing on white people’s ignorance & still making them laugh ~ brilliance

  63. WaxestLowa732 R
    WaxestLowa732 R
    Ամիս առաջ

    Cray Set!

  64. WaxestLowa732 R
    WaxestLowa732 R
    Ամիս առաջ

    Zoo Lion😹

  65. Mrk Mcpz
    Mrk Mcpz
    Ամիս առաջ

    My face while watching the whole video : 😐

  66. Herman Wagner
    Herman Wagner
    Ամիս առաջ

    The demonic slip phytochemically double because chest differently drown within a profuse dancer. guiltless, naughty toast

  67. Mark Hardiman
    Mark Hardiman
    Ամիս առաջ

    I love Josh's fresh new comedy.💃🏿👋🏾🖖🏿🙏🏾🙆🏿

  68. Natasha Clark
    Natasha Clark
    Ամիս առաջ

    The crowd is weak, they didn't deserve him. 🤭

  69. Kingjayskingdom
    Kingjayskingdom
    Ամիս առաջ

    10:23 best one no questions

  70. D J
    D J
    Ամիս առաջ

    I thought this was a woman at first.

  71. Jesus Jose
    Jesus Jose
    Ամիս առաջ

    Smallest black man hands ever

  72. Jesus Jose
    Jesus Jose
    Ամիս առաջ

    When you look like him noone wants a picture anyway

  73. BoB A LoB
    BoB A LoB
    Ամիս առաջ

    👍🏾

  74. Anise Flavored Hot Sauce
    Anise Flavored Hot Sauce
    Ամիս առաջ

    I need a post-Trump update to this hurricane joke

  75. Ninja Squid
    Ninja Squid
    Ամիս առաջ

    Am i the only one who sees the lights and thinks “This is one weird dnd convention”

  76. ragemode101
    ragemode101
    Ամիս առաջ

    That roster one was epic

  77. BlossomBird
    BlossomBird
    Ամիս առաջ

    This video just helped me with my depression and anxiety, something bout a chicken screaming the n-word makes me laugh so fucking hard.

  78. Khivo Jaasiel
    Khivo Jaasiel
    Ամիս առաջ

    I hate Bobby

  79. Khivo Jaasiel
    Khivo Jaasiel
    Ամիս առաջ

    He didn’t know that he was a white racist

  80. that swanser
    that swanser
    Ամիս առաջ

    “stephanie?”

  81. Becky Brynjolfsson
    Becky Brynjolfsson
    Ամիս առաջ

    In geography there is a fault line in California. They say it is guaranteed that the entire state will fall off the nation one day. Now when this happens nobody has any right to be surprised. When this happens if you lose your house, your car, or anything else it is your own fault for living in unsafe conditions that will definitely collapse completely at any given moment.

  82. Mackenzie Wesner
    Mackenzie Wesner
    Ամիս առաջ

    Women give fake numbers for safety first off.... js because if he is saying that hes terrified imagine being the girl that this happens all the time

  83. Jonathan Fragale
    Jonathan Fragale
    Ամիս առաջ

    “Every time I hear the ‘ni-ni-ni-NI-CAW’, you confederate bastard!”

  84. Mike Cleaner
    Mike Cleaner
    Ամիս առաջ

    I'd send one back. Lol.

  85. Sharrice Barnes
    Sharrice Barnes
    Ամիս առաջ

    Do u wanna try one more time😂😂😂😂😂

  86. WJ Collins
    WJ Collins
    2 ամիս առաջ

    :40

  87. WJ Collins
    WJ Collins
    2 ամիս առաջ

    13:30

    1. WJ Collins
      WJ Collins
      2 ամիս առաջ

      :40

  88. Emily Bell
    Emily Bell
    2 ամիս առաջ

    these hurricane jokes are priceless

  89. princeryell
    princeryell
    2 ամիս առաջ

    This guy is hilarious!!! Not too many ppl make me laugh like this

  90. Loki
    Loki
    2 ամիս առաջ

    I don't know about you guys But as a victim of Hurricane Irma That name scares me now

  91. Pizza Man
    Pizza Man
    2 ամիս առաջ

    12:41 till the end, I think is the best part of this video

  92. DYNAM1C
    DYNAM1C
    2 ամիս առաջ

    To get people out of Louisiana, all you have to do is name the hurricane person who doesn't like seafood.

  93. mjw665
    mjw665
    2 ամիս առաջ

    This dude is fucking hilarious.

  94. Dylaan Cannon
    Dylaan Cannon
    2 ամիս առաջ

    did he say confeatherate?

  95. If Miachael dies I’ll commit Arson :]
    If Miachael dies I’ll commit Arson :]
    2 ամիս առաջ

    If you think about it it’s awful that ppl hand out the wrong number cause for all you know it could be a minors number ._. Like y’all could be sendin an 11 y/o your dick pics so pls check who you’re texting

    1. Toe Pringles
      Toe Pringles
      Ամիս առաջ

      Preach brother

  96. Myiasofunny
    Myiasofunny
    2 ամիս առաջ

    This man sure can pull off a cardigan

  97. U U
    U U
    2 ամիս առաջ

    I've been that number as well

  98. malte
    malte
    2 ամիս առաջ

    no he should reincarnate as a black dude

  99. CroissantEatingMF
    CroissantEatingMF
    2 ամիս առաջ

    3:40 dude got auto tune

  100. Chrissy Ost
    Chrissy Ost
    2 ամիս առաջ

    is he wearing a robe or something? i like it